Why Are You So Ugly?

You could be beautiful as time’s first dawn, but not know it.

It’s not your fault your dumb parent married the ugly one.  Oh…….. are you humor-deficient as well as unfortunately featured?

Is your authentic lovely laughing self to remain forever hidden from the world?

Well, my friend, Fear Not, for relief is at hand!

You’ve been right all along.  They manipulate you to feel inadequate so you buy stuff to fix it.  The acres of personal care products at your drug store all come from the same three or four companies.  When you throw away one product that doesn’t work and try another, guess who profits?

Fight back!  All you really need is a little ongoing repair enabled by healthy conditions.

Order Traveling Snake Oil and get some on ‘ya.

If you still don’t feel good about yourself, at least you’ll have somebody new to blame.

P.S.  If you wonder how to work it check the INSTRUCTIONS

 

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    Miracle Grooming Elixir

    “HEY, is that Traveling Snake Oil in your pocket, or are you just a little happy to see me?”
         Mae West (would have said this)

    “I have been using it for months and months now, and at this point would find it indispensible. It claims to be very versatile and useful for all sorts of grooming needs, and I suppose it is. But I mostly use it as a pre-shave and after shave balm, and as an all around moisturizer, for want of a better word. It is good for any skin that feels itchy, dry, or otherwise irritated.”
    C.S., Washington DC

    “Vanity of vanities,” saith the Preacher, “vanity of vanities; all is vanity.”
    Ecclesiastes 1. 2

    “Beauty might be only skin deep, but who wants to be ugly?”
         Mark Joyner

    “It feels almost powdery.”
    Rachel C, Deming

    “It’s the only thing that untangles my daughter’s hair.”
    Cynthia D, Yakima

    “Grooming is like the jerks in your life. You deal with them as briefly and pleasantly as possible. You don’t dwell on them.”
    TravelingSnakeOil

    “I used up all my T.S.O. I have always used the Bag Balm which helps a lot but I still seem to usually lose the skin on my hands. Maybe it was a short fshing season or maybe the T.S.O. but my hands’ skin is pristine (even though burning still from picking fish from the net).
    The T.S.O. works great for shaving which is huge because one shouldn’t gamble with pressurized shave cream in airline checked bags.”
    E.O.N., Alaska

    “Ritual he liked, but compulsory routine he hated. Thus, he resented every minute that he now had to surrender to showering, shampooing, shaving, and flossing and brushing his teeth………….. ‘There’s birth,’ he grumbled, ‘there’s death, and in between there’s mainenance.’”
    Tom Robbins, “Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates

    Very few whales are killed in the making of  Traveling Snake Oil.

    “Put this on your ruby lips, darlin, and give it back to me a little at a time.”

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